It was a long haul, and you never thought you’d make it alone. But look at you now!
You’re single, and you’re happy.
Ahhh. Thank you, Universe, for deciding to convince my ex to show up at the same bar as me tonight.
You were so good five minutes ago! Now you’re not so sure. Here are some signs that you are over your ex, and that this night is going to just as amazing as you planned-ex or no ex.
Be your own Best Friend
You have an amazing amount of people who love you, and who can help you through a tough breakup. They will be there for late night talks, or a night out on the town. But let’s face it. Friends and family can only do so much. No matter how many times your good friend tells you “You deserve better!” it is still up to you if you truly believe that or not.
At the end of the day, when everyone is busy and tired of talking about it, the only person around to talk you out of texting your ex…is you.
Here are some helpful things you can do all on your own to get over that breakup and be happy again.
Write about it.
How easy is it to see that ex you’ve been drinking away for weeks, and fall in love with them all over again? Even the sight of them makes you imagine future possibilities and old memories. Now go read your journal.
Keeping a journal is a really great way of reminding ourselves of significant things that have happened to us. They’re great for recalling amazing memories down to the smallest details our present selves couldn’t recall; but journals can also be a helpful tool to remember memories that are a little less-err…pretty.
What is important about this journal is that it can recall all of the fun and nice things you remember about your ex partner- but also includes their less admirable qualities. Jot down how they hurt you, mistreated you, or how they left you feeling when they broke it off. You can also write down the types of things that you do like in a partner, and things that you have learned that you dislike from your previous relationship.
Being able to refer back to this journal is a helpful way to remember why the relationship didn’t work out, and more importantly, why you are in a better place now. It is also a handy tool for when friends or family aren’t around to talk to. Your journal is confirmation that there were in fact reasons that you were not suited to your partner, and it helps when you feel like you miss them.
Yes, it seems a bit corny. But it is important. Writing to yourself is a very personal activity, and you will never listen to anyone more closely than to yourself.
Find a Hobby.
A big chunk of your time was dedicated to your partner. Once that partner is gone, it is normal to feel like all you do is spend that time thinking about them, and probably checking your phone for their messages. Somehow within your busy life, you still found time in your schedule to be with that person, and make a commitment. Now commit to something else.
Instead of wasting all that free time feeling lonely, go out and find something new and different that you have never done before. It could be an active hobby like yoga or jogging, or it could be something less physical like painting or cooking. You were committed to something very complex before; there is no reason you can’t do it with something else you enjoy. Staying busy is extremely important to moving on from a breakup. It helps you to stop focusing on things that you don’t have in your life, and instead realize all of the potential of the things you can have in your life.
It is a scary step to go out and start meeting new people, but being able to take control of your own life and happiness first is important. Rushing into the dating pool right away can cause even more confusion and heartache. Focus on you. Make yourself happy again before focusing on someone else. You deserve it. And once you do find that new special person, they will thank you for taking your time.
Focus on happy.
After a hard breakup, keeping a positive perspective on your future is extremely important. It is so easy to have a negative outlook on life if you’re feeling badly about your previous relationship. Ignoring friends, staying in and eating poorly, provide an open doorway for negative thoughts. And as a result, negative effects.
What you put out into the world, you will receive back. By focusing only on the bad things that have happened to you, you will only attract more bad things in the future. So let’s straighten you out.
By using relaxation exercises such as meditation, you can practice focusing on all of the good things you have in your life, and all of the other good things you hope to have. It can be anything. You can focus on the things that make you happy now, the new job you are going to get, or – hell why not? – the amazing new person who is going to come into your life.
Whatever it is, meditation is a really great tool for individuals to start looking at old things in a new light- to remember that there was a life before your ex, and that it can be really, really amazing again. Meditate whenever you like, as much as you’d like! If you need help, there are hundreds of audio videos online that you can listen to for guidance. Do it every day if you can, right when you wake up. Instead of your first thoughts being horrible reminders, let them be little beacons of light for the day.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. You deserve it.
It doesn’t matter how it happened, or whose fault it was. Relationships are a lot of work, and seeing one go doesn’t make anyone feel good. We are all innocent in the sense that we are all looking for love, and we aren’t “in” something, just to watch it burn and fall apart. Everyone has good intentions for the most part.
With that being said, man or woman, pamper yourself. If that means visiting the spa, then go get that facial. If its tickets to a game, it will be money well spent no matter what. It doesn’t necessarily mean you are rewarding yourself for anything- but having something to look forward to is always a very good thing. Especially if you don’t get to do it often! Enjoying a “daycation” can get you out of the house and back into society a little bit.
Now would also be a good time to do something you enjoy, that your ex never did. If they didn’t like your favourite band, now is the time to buy that ticket! Or perhaps you love museums but your partner found them boring. Get back into that!
Today you’re having a date with yourself, but keep in mind that you can also revisit. Getting out there in the social circles you enjoy guarantees that people who share the same values will be available. This can be very helpful for when you’re ready to start being social again.
Do not let yourself believe that just because you are no longer with your ex that the world shines any less bright. The things you love are still all around you, just like they always have been. Taking the brave steps to be happy on your own again can be scary, and sometimes difficult. But don’t rush into being with other people, until you’ve re-established your own values as an individual. Be happy with yourself, the rest will follow.