You’ve always been told that ‘you never get a second chance to make a first impression’. And this couldn’t be more true when it comes to contacting someone online.

You’ve always been told that ‘you never get a second chance to make a first impression’. And this couldn’t be more true when it comes to contacting someone online.  Although you do have a little bit of an advantage in that you can refine and plan your message until you are completely happy, unlike real life where you only get a single audition!

So why is it that so many guys and girls (yes girls too) fail miserably in the ‘art’ of opening messages?

We have done some extensive research into online dating statistics and they show that there are infact some ‘golden’ rules that we all should follow if we want our opening message to be a success.

OK, so this may sound like we are taking all the romance out of it, but you can’t argue with stats and figures and following a set of golden rules will probably help you feel more comfortable when sending your first message.

Try and use less ‘Netspeak’

Netspeak is a big culprit when it comes to unsuccessful first mails. The words (if you can call them that) ur, r, u, ya, cant, hit, realy, luv,and wat, are the top nine worst words to use in an opening message! Mails that contain these words will get practically no replies proving that intelligence (or maybe just good grammar) is an attractive trait in both sexes.

Try and use ha ha instead of lol, in the first message at least.  Using a sign of laughter is good because it suggests that you have a good sense of humour – try not to use hehe as you’ll sound a bit like a supervillain!

Drop the polite “Hello”

While it makes sense to open a message with a hi or hello, the person would have received loads (sometimes hundreds) of messages a day with the same introduction.  Try and be original with your opening to a message, things like ‘fancy meeting you here’ or maybe something in a foreign language?  Even using good morning/afternoon/evening is better than just hi!

Play it safe, don’t mention anything physical!

While they may have the most beautiful smile in the world, but pointing that fact out in a first message may be a turn off – again, they’ll have loads of these types of messages every day.

While everybody enjoys compliments on their looks, focusing too much on physical looks seems to imply shallowness. Messages using words like beautiful and sexy will more often than not end up getting deleted immediately. Better to focus on interests, or even better, common interests!

Talk about Interests

Talking about your own interests can give the person a good idea of what you are like.  It seems this is almost as important as talking about their interests so using any word that describes an interest or hobby is great, once your hobby isn’t too weird.

Ideally, though, you’ll have some sort of common interests and once you’ve picked up on that then a conversation is imminent!

Ask an OPEN Question

Nothing starts a conversation quicker than a question, so do yourself a huge favour and simply ask one.

Our human nature tells us that it’s rude not to answer a question so your chances are increased tenfold by just asking something!  Keep the question open but try not to demand too much from the answer!

Things like, “What have you been up to today” instead of “hows your day been?”

Guys be humble…Girls be confident

It may sound odd but girls will be put off if you are too confident in your message, try and project that you think that they’re a little out of your league and that you don’t expect a response (it works!)

Say things like, “anyway, enough of the waffle, hope to hear from you soon, maybe!”

To make things even more complicated, its opposite for woman!  Men appear to enjoy a confident woman and will find this a big turn on – remember not to be over confident though!

Now that you’ve read the Fix My Profile golden rules you should be able to craft a grammatically correct, unusual, and not overly confident first message that has a pretty good chance of getting a reply – easy right?

As we said earlier, it might not be the most romantic approach and a little scientific for some, but if it gets that person to reply then its worth it right?!


We are proud to announce a brand new, free service for our members.

As part of our Dr. Love service, you can now send us your opening message and we will check it for errors and give you immediate feedback!

Simply send your opening message to [email protected]